Ever wanted advice on your relationship from that cool guy friend who has all the answers? Well, Mr. X is that friend for you. Every other week, he’s going to answer the questions you send him and if there’s one thing you can count on him for, it’s being honest. So go ahead, ask Mr. X
“I am in love with a guy who was my classmate. We have been together for 6 years and we want to get married. However, because we belong to different castes, the boy’s father was not agreeing to the wedding. But somehow the boy managed to convince his father. Then his mother and my father got into an argument and my rishta was called off. The boy is still trying to convince his family. But my father has to me to get married to someone of his choice within a month, otherwise he will sell our house and divorce my mother.
Even if I leave the man I love, how can I get married to someone else in one month? I have to spend the rest of my life with this person. I should have the right to get to know him first. This is not the first time my father has given ultimatums. He stops eating at home and threatens to sell the house far too often.I am very scared. I’m not the kind to run away and do a court marriage. I don’t want to bring disgrace to my family. Nor do I want death by suicide. I am asking God for help, but I am still so confused. I don’t want to continue living like this. Since my childhood my father has always threatened me by saying, “do this or else I’ll kick you out of the house or divorce your mother.” I am at my boiling point. I’ve had enough!”
This is tough! You obviously have every right in the world to get to know the person you’ll marry – in fact in today’s world, I would say it’s a prerequisite even. It’s important to be sure you both share the same value system, respect each other, and have a fair understanding of each other’s needs and desires in life.
Secondly, it’s not fair that your father is threatening. Today, or on any other day. But one thing I will point out is that if things don’t seem to be working out with the guy you like (let’s call him Mr. Y), maybe God is trying to save you from something.
What we know for sure, based on the society we live in, is that family acceptance is just as important as your relationship with your partner. So, if Mr. Y’s parents are already creating issues (and you’re not even married yet), it doesn’t sound like a situation you want to enter. Trust me, no man is happy when he has to constantly choose between his family and his wife– and it just sounds like you’d be signing up for a lifetime of struggle with Mr. Y.
Now let’s move onto this new potential rishta – why not meet your father halfway? Sit down and have an honest conversation with him. If you can’t do it in person, write him a letter. Tell him that you are willing to give the guy he has in mind a shot, but you want to get to know him before you get married. Maybe you could consider an engagement for now? You never know, a year later you may discover he was a better match for you all along.
As for your father, even though he sounds unreasonable, I can’t believe he doesn’t love you and doesn’t want what is best for you. Try to have that conversation with him and see how he responds!
Best of luck, & Godspeed
To send in your questions for Mr.X, email email@example.com with the subject ‘Question for Mr.X’. Don’t worry – you will remain anonymous!
What do you think?