Ever wanted advice on your relationship from that cool guy friend who has all the answers? Well, Mr. X is that friend for you. Every other week, he’s going to answer the questions you send him and if there’s one thing you can count on him for, it’s being honest. So go ahead, ask Mr. X.
My boyfriend cheated on me a few months back and recently confessed to it. He says he’s extremely sorry and that it was a one-time thing which will never happen again, but how am I supposed to trust him? Is trust something that he can gain back? I don’t need judgements on his cheating — I just want to know if there is a way to move forward and if yes, how can I get there?
Mr X’s Response:
Yes, there is a way to move forward; however its an arduous and painstaking process that’ll require forgiveness, honesty, and lot of effort from both of you.
The fact that you’ve emailed this in means that some part of you still wants to continue with your partner. Despite the hurt, trauma and other unwanted sentiments, you still seem to search for a path ahead.
Before even trying to move forward, you have to realise that this path entails you having to forgive and absolve your partner of his misdeed at some point in the near future. You will have to get yourself to a place where you can’t be holding this over your boyfriend’s head. This in itself is extremely difficult and most people can’t bring themselves to this point. However it’s crucial for a healthy relationship, if you have decided to continue your relationship.
Once you’ve done the above, you will have to engage in discussion with your partner to try to understand the root cause of him cheating. What was going on in his head when he did it? Was there something in your relationship that he felt was lacking and he sought it elsewhere? These discussions may make you feel uncomfortable and may make it seem that him cheating on you was your fault. If that happens, then your partner isn’t able to have this discussion in the spirit it should be had. These conversations need to happen in a space where there is no blaming – there is just what has happened and you both figuring how it happened and how to move ahead.
Moving forward is a team effort and you both need to be on the same page to do it. Take the time you need now. Perhaps you need some space to process things but if you decide to move forward, it will require work. Best of luck!
To send in your questions for Mr.X, email email@example.com with the subject ‘Question for Mr.X’. Don’t worry – you will remain anonymous!