Ask Mr.X: “Recently someone I know proposed to me…I was taken aback because we haven’t even had enough conversations to know each other. What do I do?”

“There is this person I’ve always regarded as a friend. He is someone a girl would call an”ideal” but physical appearance has never been of significance to me. Recently, this guy proposed to me and I was taken aback because we haven’t even had enough conversations to know each other. I don’t even know what his favourite movie is and somehow he’s sure I am the one for him.

Now the problem is that whenever I am with him (which has been 2 or 3 times with friends) I don’t feel safe enough to let my guard down for him and he’s a family friend so I wanted to give him a chance before I say no. So practically speaking, am I just overthinking or should I trust my instincts? Or how can I communicate my concerns to him without offending him because I am sure he’s not a bad guy — maybe just someone not for me. My friends strongly disagree and have been suggesting me to say yes already and tell my parents, however this is my last resort. How can I put my concerns in front of him, or is he the right one and I am just being paranoid?”

Mr X’s Response

Dear Reader,

You are not being a bit weird, or overthinking, or being paranoid – you are being abundantly normal, thinking quite aptly, and being reasonably realistic. Trust your instincts and communicate your concerns. Even if your proposer does take a little offence (which to be honest he really shouldn’t as, per your proclamation, you guys don’t even know each other’s favourite film), it is necessary that you have a fairly good idea on the type of guy he is before responding to his proposal. I mean ideally he should get to know you before proposing as well but too late for that.

To your question – how should you put your concerns in front of him? Honestly, the points you mentioned such as not having had enough conversations to know each other or keeping your guards up are indicators that you are not comfortable with him despite however many years you’ve “known” him due to being family friends. Additionally, your point regarding that he may not be a bad guy, but may just not be right for you is a very valid concern too. A direct straight-forward conversation would be the best way to go about it. Yes it will be awkward but once you guys get into it, it’ll be alright. If you don’t feel comfortable having this conversation with him in-person, then via text/call will suffice. The important aspect right now is just to have it (irrespective of mode).  

I haven’t stated anything novel to you in my response. You had all the answers yourself, I just validated them. Wish you the best of luck.

Godspeed,

X