Ask Mr. X: “I have liked a guy for 3 years, but we almost never talk…how can I approach him?”

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Ever wanted advice on your relationship from that cool guy friend who has all the answers? Well, Mr. X is that friend for you. Every other week, he’s going to answer the questions you send him and if there’s one thing you can count on him for, it’s being honest. So go ahead, ask Mr. X.

“I have liked a guy for the past 3 years, but we almost never talk and it has been more than a year since I saw him. We were van-mates when I went to university; I used to ask him if we needed to wait for him at the bus stop or not. He is intelligent, honest, has pretty hair, and his acquaintances love him. He acts kinda weird in a sense that he is not very social, but neither am I. He knows how to handle social situations pretty well though, but generally prefers listening to cool music instead of engaging. I don’t know how he will respond if I approach him. How can I approach him? I am not interested in a relationship, only marriage and I don’t know if he is available or even ready to marry anyone.”

Before we get into it, you first need to find out whether the guy is in a relationship or not (e.g. through mutual friends or some good old social media stalking if you can). If he is in one then sorry but there isn’t much we can do.

Three years is a long time to like someone and not do anything about it but I’m glad you’ve come to the realization that you must approach him to convey your sentiments.This is a positive step and often people tend to put themself in a relationship limbo of sorts where they like someone but haven’t done anything about it and therefore close themselves off to new or other people who there could be something with. If he responds well to your approach then great; if he doesn’t then at least you know not to waste your time anymore.

Its apparent that you genuinely do like him (with the super flattering introduction you gave him), however it seems to me that you’ve developed these feelings for him from afar as an observer rather than as someone who has directly interacted with him in a meaningful way (sorry whether the bus needs to wait for him or not doesn’t really qualify). So even though you said that you’re only interested in marriage and not a relationship, I would recommend you to think of the idea of allowing yourself some time (e.g. a month or two) for you to get to know the guy better and determine whether you both are actually compatible.

Now on what is the best way for you to approach him? It’s tough given that you guys “almost never talk”. You will need to develop some sort of direct line of communication with him. Whether that be you guys text each other on Whatsapp or DM each other on Instagram or write on each other’s walls on Facebook (please don’t be this one), it’s important for you to establish some communication for you to tell him how you feel. Otherwise, if you were to just tell him how you feel, it will definitely seem out of the blue and shall reduce your chances of sentimental reciprocation. Whenever you do approach him, please be honest and tell him about your situation (where you’re looking for marriage and not a relationship), it’s always more sustainable for you to be open at the onset of something rather than just saying what needs to be said at that moment and then reneging on it later.

I wish you the best of luck.


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