Ever wanted advice on your relationship from that cool guy friend who has all the answers? Well, Mr. X is that friend for you. Every other week, he’s going to answer the questions you send him and if there’s one thing you can count on him for, it’s being honest. So go ahead, ask Mr. X.
“My partner and I have a great relationship. We understand, respect and trust one another. Recently however, I’ve been feeling as though my partner hasn’t been appreciating me. I am sure he does, but he has started to rarely express it. Could this mean he is taking our relationship for granted? If so, how do I approach having this conversation with him? I don’t want to say the wrong thing and have him get defensive because he can be sensitive at times.”
Tenure in relationships comes with its own challenges. What you’re describing is a very common ailment of longtime relationships. As two people get more comfortable with each and the basis of the relationship becomes the status quo, those sweet cute romantic gestures of the earlier days (or ‘honeymoon period) become a distant memory. Those frequents words of affirmation now come few and far between. The novelty of the first few months gets replaced by the routine of the present. So what can you do to try and capture the feeling of the ‘good ol’ days’?
Communicate – talk to your partner. Be straightforward. Tell him that you feel as though you’re not being as appreciated as your were previously. Tell him that you feel as though you’re being taken for granted. He may get defensive but that’s part of the process. The conversation is necessary and even if it doesn’t lead to a breakthrough, at least you’ll get where’s he at these days with your relationship.
Back to basics – it’s super common for people in a relationship to get busy with their lives and to not be able to give as much time to their partners as they deserve or used to get. So what to do when two people are busy? Schedule shit! Make date plans in advance, plan a holiday if you can, try to give each other quality time (e.g. don’t use your phones while with each other). It’s the simple stuff that we all know about, but after a while it just don’t seem to happen as much as it should.
Relationships have their ups and downs, and relationships are work. Are these two cliches? Perhaps, but they hold very true. You need to put in effort for it to be like the way you want it to be and hopefully when your partner sees your effort, he’ll reciprocate and your fairytale will continue.
Wishing you the best of luck.
To send in your questions for Mr.X, email firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject ‘Question for Mr.X’. Don’t worry – you will remain anonymous!