The curse of singledom is being prone to crushing on any and every kind of man: the ones sitting alone at cafés, or the mutuals you don’t quite know who like your pictures on Instagram — even your brothers friends, the ones you know are off limits. The tell tale signs of these crushes? Constant butterflies in the pit of your stomach, daydreaming all day long, going red every time you hear their name. We’ve all been there. Having a crush on someone can be really fun, but it can also drive you to do some downright crazy, strange things. If you’re crushing hard on someone, you’re probably guilty of doing every single one of these things.
1. Religiously Stalk Him On Social Media
Facebook, Instagram, Twitter — you’ve located every single username and handle, and stalked him on every possible social media site. In fact, it’s become a part of your routine. How else will you find out all the key information you need? Zodiac sign, best friends, birthday. It’s all fun and games until you accidentally like a year old photo though. We’d pay you to come up with something more embarrassing than that!
2. Study His Friends list
If you think the stalking ends at a crush’s profile, you’re clearly an amateur. Before you know it, you’ve fallen down the rabbit hole of their life and aren’t coming back up for air any time soon. You end up stalking all his friends — especially the girls he’s tagged or mentioned on his social media. And the sigh of relief you take finding out that they’re just friends.. there’s no comparison. You don’t even need to be introduced to his family, since in all likelihood you already know their names.
3. Stare Awkwardly At Him
Sure, it’s a little creepy, but we can’t help it. Every time he passes by you, the heart popping emoji comes to life as you dreamily (read: awkwardly) stare at him. Remember to pick your jaw up off the floor!
4. Convincing Yourself You Both Are Meant To Be
You look high and low to find similarities between you two: anything to convince yourself and your friends that he’s the one for you. It’s fated! It’s mean’t to be! Found a picture of him drinking chai? It couldn’t be more meant to be.
5. Daydream About Your Future Together
Two weeks of daydreaming about a crush is the equivalent of a ten year marriage: theres no milestone you haven’t fantasised about yet. The fairy tale destination wedding, Daschund named Jimmy, three kids, and honeymoon in Seville: it’s been a blissful life with him. So what if you’ve never talked to him, or he doesn’t even know you exist? Anything is possible if you just believe.
6. Your Mind Replays Every Single Interaction With Them
If you ever get lucky enough to make eye contact with, or bump into your crush — the moment is monumental. Your mind records it instantly, and it’s all the fuel your fantasies need for the next few weeks. You can’t stop replaying the short interaction — it might as well have been hours long to you.
7. Purposely Go To Places He’s Expected To Be
It’s a little creepy, but a large (unspoken) part of stalking your crush is to find out where they love eating out. It’s just collecting intel, so you can ‘casually’ bump into them. Who knows? It could be the start of something special.
8. Check His Horoscope
It starts off innocently enough with checking his daily horoscope, hoping to see if there’s a prediction about love. Eventually, we all end up googling compatibility quizzes — any kind of sign from the universe is enough! Even an unreliable one from a random website. Wedding bells ring in your ears as soon as you see that compatibility rate.. and if it’s low, well there are always other websites to try.
9. Laugh Hysterically At His Jokes
We’re all guilty of this age old trick. No matter how lame, you laugh your heart out to make them feel special. Most of the time, you find their less than stellar jokes genuinely funny too. Love really is blind.
10. Send Screenshots Of His Texts To Your Friends
If you gather up the courage to text him, it’s the beginning of a whole new chapter. Here’s where your girlfriends come to the rescue. Every exchange is diligently screenshotted and sent to your girl group, always requiring advice about the next message. “‘Hi’ with or without an emoji?” — these questions are key. Texting him is always a group activity.